I loved a girl once, her name was Sha.

“Sir, you’ve been staring in the mirror for a while now, are you sure you are okay, ” the tailor man was nagging me. I mean it is in the rarest of occasions when I get a chance to wear a suit, what’s even better; it wasn’t some cheap knock off that matched some table cloth or something. It was a 3 piece my friend. “Sir, if I could ask, is it really going to happen this time?” But there I was lost in a chain of thoughts. Oh I saw her face alright. Bloody and messy. She smelt like overdose and death, yet the beauty could be seen past her pale eyes. The beauty in her wedding dress. Damn

“Are you still with us, Paul,” my chain of thoughts are cut and I realise I’m no longer in the tailor shop. Sitting across me are the parents of my supposed bride. I say supposed because our marriage was always due but she always found a way to ditch the whole thing last minute. By this very moment, it was after our third attempt to a wedding and gosh, had I put my hopes high for her. My sweet precious Sha.

“We haven’t seen her since Friday. It’s been three days, do you understand? Three days!” The mother’s words were shaky. She was trying hard enough not to cry. The father on the other hand seemed to have come to a realisation that her daughter was actually fighting demons for the longest. These, plus the tension between the two made me feel uncomfortable sitting across them.

Frankly, I didn’t want to hear any more Sha talk. That girl broke me more than once like some balancing vase , and I still kept loving her. But a heart can only take too much, right?
“I don’t know how to help you. You should check at Ted’s house. God knows she’s been hiding there. ” I know what you must be thinking. How bad did this woman really hurt you that you end up being this cold to her parents. Well, it all starts from the age of five.

Sweet innocent child lying on the ground, his nose was bleeding. He was all dusty and his left elbow was bruised. He was crying. But this little girl comes from above. She blocks the scorching sun and stretches her hand to help the boy. “Don’t cry,” she says, “those boys are mean.” The little boy gets up, and for the very first time he sees this light in her eyes. “Can I be your friend,” he asks?
As you might have guessed it, yes I am the boy. Years passed and we grew, went through adolescence, shared our first kiss; had our first fight as a couple (I almost lost an eye). Drifted completely from each other but as fate would have it, we were able to find each other.

You see, along the way when we completely lost touch, I got mixed up with a group of people who introduced me to the world of crazy. I got involved with the hardest of drugs. I ran away from home for a long time. I got involved in a couple of fights and ended being stabbed multiple times but my turning point was my sweet precious Sha.

It was a chilly night, I was draining what was left in that bottle of whisky that was lying close to the garbage box, outside the bar. This woman who looked familiar comes out of the bar. She is wearing uniform, definitely a bartender or something. Her shaking hands are holding a packet of cigarettes and a lighter. She’s about to light her first smoke when I suddenly feel a thrust through my chest. It felt like my heart was failing. I welped and lay there my eyes all blurry seeing this angel rush towards me. “You have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen, ” I said. I started feeling numb on my tongue and lips. My eyes sunk into darkness. The next moment I woke up, I was on a hospital bed. Who would have believed my sweet precious Sha would be looking over me like a guardian angel. That was the moment I swore to get clean, for Sha.

****

Chains.

Chains of our childhood,
I cried the moment she tried touching my hand
I smiled, she gave me a pair of eclairs,
Whispered behind my ears,
“I’m your friend, you shouldn’t fear”
And my innocent eyes smiled back at her devilish gaze
She smirked and pulled my pants,
And I felt chained,

She said she loves me, she would take care of me,
She said she would never hurt me
She said I was like a child to her,
But her lips were just slithering past the truth,
And she made sure, I the child was a fool
The tiny gifts , pampering me with sugar
Covering my mouth with sweet honey combs
But the bees lingered, and they stung

My vague childhood of happiness,
I had my innocence taken away so early,
Beneath the hide and seek,
Playing ball with other children,
I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t the same anymore,
Up to now I truly can’t;
Am I this way because of yesterday
Will I ever feel peace?
Perhaps today, perhaps not,

All I wish is for another chance to have a normal childhood.

Emotions.

I don’t want to feel this emotions no more,
Because they leave me broken and empty;
Every time I walk by the corridors of memories,
I want to believe am strong enough
No, healed enough not to tear ;
As nostalgia tears me down
I would wish to close my eyes to shield me from the darkness,
But the darkness; these darkness within, is greater
Since every glimmer of hope was shattered
I am not sure why it matters but I know it mattered
Then,
So why can’t these emotions stop screaming?
Or why can’t I stop hearing ?
Why do still walk through these very corridors?
Maybe it’s to remind me of those doors,
Those that got slammed on my face
Or maybe am craving answers,
Though ;
I don’t want to feel this emotions no more
Because they leave me broken and empty.

Nemo and Sleeky.